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Steve Harvey: Men Can't Be Friends With Women?!

 

Well here's an interesting convo.  Especially around the Holidays when you see all those exes and "friends" again back home and start to wonder if it could work again. Steve Harvey appeared on CNN to promote his new book 'Straight Talk, No Chaser.' Find out what he had to say about males having female friends when you read on...

 

Steve sat down with CNN's Fredricka Whitfield to talk about his new book on relationships.  I guess hes been deemed the expert after his "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man" book. Watch the video to see his viewpoint on why males can't have female friends.

 

 

Do you agree with Steve? Is it impossible for a male to have a true female friend?  Now I wasn't the biggest Steve Harvey fan after his previous book seemed to just spew common sense at women and expected them to literally buy into. But I admit, I agree with Steve and it's been my philospohphy that after a certain age--males and females who just met cannot be strictly friends.  Meaning--at least 1 party is always willing to be sexually interested to some extent.  Whether they admit it or not.

Your thoughts?

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Men and woman can definitely

Men and woman can definitely be friends. Is Harvey saying if I work with a male associate, am i not allowed to interact or in harveys terms, "be friends with the opposite sex"? I have a boyfriend and my best friend (which is a guy) has a girlfriend. I am NOOOO way attracted to my guy best friend and the same goes the other way around. No fence Steve but you have no place in giving advice to people where you yourself have been divorced at least twice. Harvey, you need to have more substance to how you are able to make such claims...
anonymousLO's picture

You're referring to a BFF

You're referring to a BFF with a girlfriend. What about a BFF who is unattached and sometimes even attached. Keep him as your BFF. As long as he is attached he is somewhat safe, but only time will tell. Twice divorced, sounds like he may have "learned something" along the way.
Anonymous's picture

Hey anonymous thanks for your

Hey anonymous thanks for your input. Unfortunately, i still disagree with Harvey's ideas. Granted, it might be different for people depending on their situations(whether one friend had an attraction to the other friend) but generalizing for all saying "there's no way men can have a friendly relationship with women" is just absurd....
anonymousLO's picture

A little simplistic don't you

A little simplistic don't you think? Steve, you're old skool with an old skool opinion, but opinions aren't truth. One of many major flaws I see in this logic - how many women have had a male friend they would've have got together with but the guy was NEVER interested, even when he was single? I know countless women who have been in that position, who had male friends they had crushes on, great girls but the guys never took them up on it. This may be true of some, even many male/female friendships but not all as it works on the premise that men have absolutely no discernment which I don't believe is true. I'm not naive, I have lost many male friends over the years when I realised they were 'in waiting', eventually it put too much strain on the friendship but I've also have and have one or two (literally) male friends who are not and to my knowledge have never been interested.
Bubble's picture

Now if you talkin a fine

Now if you talkin a fine chic, I mean a bad chick; like Steve's wife!? ALL of her male friends.. I repeat....EACH AND EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM are lined up, with number in hand, waiting for Steve to slip up SO THEY CAN STICK HER WITH LONG JOHN SILVAH! FINE WOMEN SIMPLY CAN NOT HAVE PLATONIC FRIENDSHIPS WITH STRAIGHT MEN. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE! PERIOD. SAID AND DONE.
Anonymous's picture

There's some truth to it. If

There's some truth to it. If you gotta friend of the opposite sex, assuming you're attracted to members of the opp sex....you gonna think about smashin! Like Chris Rock said, 'Friends they haven't fuck'd yet!' Wordboogie!!! *Takin ya back there!
Anonymous's picture

I've come to the conclusion

I've come to the conclusion that we live in a sexually proverted society. A society where sex has been drilled in the psyche of people's minds that they cannot conceive that take the innocent relationships of many men and women and make them sexual. What small thinking so many people have, but then again, why is this mindset surprising? This generation has had sex pounded so much in their lives through hip hop, TV, and the Internet, that we think such thinking is normal. How sad. Well for all of those who believe men and women cannot be friend without sex being involved, may I suggest you rethink your reality and values. We all have to at one time or another or we'll never learn or grow. We'll be stuck on stupid because we fail to see that we just might be wrong about some things. Good night.
Ann Droid's picture

i completely agree!!!!

i completely agree!!!!
Val's picture

Mr. Ed (the horse) in a

Mr. Ed (the horse) in a suit.....
Anonymous's picture

This is from a man who

This is from a man who couldn't be real about himself and had that damn wig on his head for years. Shut up Harvey.
Anonymous's picture

Lets get to the real point!

Lets get to the real point! Steve looks like an old ass man! If his teeth get any bigger.....How tha hell does his wife kiss him????Carefully Im sure..lol
Anonymous's picture

Sooooooooooooo true what

Sooooooooooooo true what Steve is saying. I've had a male friend for more than 20 years. And for more than 20 years he's been trying to sleep w/ me! I'm married now and finally had enough of the constant remarks about if this happen, if that happen...yada yada yada. I let the friendship go. Enough was enough! I've also had another male friend for about 9 years and while he wasn't like my other "friend" was, if there ever was a crack, believe me he WOULD HAVE been right there to try and bump n grind w/ me. My husband has had female friends. NOT ANYMORE! why? because I'm no dummy. I felt it was a weird type "friendship" after years of my suspecting that he was attracted to her, he finally admitted that he was. BYE BYE BIRDIE! - No more opposite friendships for us. If it works for some. great. But I'm with Steve. Its not all black n white.
Mimi's picture

Well I've been friends with

Well I've been friends with my best friend for about... Wow, it's been 15 years... We're best friends, never had sex, he was my first kiss only because I was a geek and didn't have anyone else to show me how, and he's not gay... Granted back in the day when we were younger, I did have a major crush on him, but after years of just good old fashioned friendship and maybe some distance, we've managed to remain good friends... He's definitely someone who will be at my wedding, I'll be at his. I love his family, he loves mine... I think it's possible for a male and a female to be friends, but it probably has to be under certain circumstances... We did start being friends when were in elementary school, sooo...
Molly Mayhem!!'s picture

That's great. But you all

That's great. But you all have been friends for years. I have several male friends from elementary school. Our relationships have changed especially after marriage. When men get to be a certain age, they are no longer interested in just being friends.
Anonymous's picture

I understand what Steve is

I understand what Steve is "trying" to say- as usual it just comes out wrong- that what happens when you don't have a degree in psychology- Yes men in women can be friends but yes there are " some" guy friends( not 99%) who are hoping to be there when that (crack) or opportunity presents itself for sex- Steve is or used to be in the "some" guys category-people whatever you do don't ever let your sons read this garbage and for you men who need guidance on friendships/ relationships with the opposite sex please don't look toward Steve! Wow
Matureblackwoman's picture

A degree in psychology is not

A degree in psychology is not needed to be articulate. Thanks, but no thanks.
Anonymous's picture

No. Men n women can't b

No. Men n women can't b friends. The flesh is weak. Men r easy n some bitches just do it to c how it is. Nothing is sacred
leesh's picture

Or... Yes. Men and women can

Or... Yes. Men and women can be friends. Our flesh IS weak. Some bit**es are easy and men want it just to say they've had it. Its okay, hunny. You're still young.
Anonny's picture

Contrary to Popular Belief

Contrary to Popular Belief Men and Women can be Just Friends. Simply put.........It depends on the Individuals. If they really want to stay Friends, they will...........However, if there is Attraction, and they feed into it. It's a "Done Deal" !!!!!!!
Poppi622's picture

Everyone doesn't have to act

Everyone doesn't have to act on their attractions to the opposite sex. You can find someone attractive and not want to do him or be with him, or is that just me? I mean if you are friends from the door, then you wouldn't want to put your friendship in jeopardy right? Plus, I don't want any unattractive friends, male or female, when we hang out with each other, I want everyone to get love! But I'm not looking it at like, he's fine and if the opportunity came along he could get it! That's not friends!
Bootsie's picture

I believe that grown men and

I believe that grown men and women should be able to have a friendly, platonic interaction without there being sexual expectation on either part. That is the sign of maturity...I would be very scared if we are not able to basic interaction with someone on the opposite sex. How would any work or progress be made in our society. Men and Women have various types of relationships. HUSBAND & WIFE, FATHER & DAUGHTER, MOTHER & SON, COUSINS, RELATIVES, ETC, Therefore it is possible not to engage in sexual activity with every male or female you meet. Those same principals apply in our interactions with others in the workplace and school. It is all about self-control nobody has to be WILLY-NILLY ALL THE TIME. WE SHOULD GIVE OURSELVES MORE CREDIT THAN THAT. I HAVE MEN THAT I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH WHO HAVE GIRLFRIENDS AND IS CLEARY UNDERSTOOD BY ALL THAT NOBODY IS TRYING TO GO THERE. WE JUST HAVE A MUTUAL FRIENDSHIP BASED UPON OUR CHILDHOODS...GET A GRIP PEOPLE!!!
Anonymous's picture

Dummy he not referring to

Dummy he not referring to kinship relationships. That's why some women just don't get it.
Anonymous's picture

Contrary to Popular Belief

Contrary to Popular Belief Men and Women can be Just Friends. Simply put.........It depends on the Individuals. If they really want to stay Friends, they will...........However, if there is Attraction, and they feed into it. It's a "Done Deal" !!!!!!!
Poppi622's picture

ppl we as grown folks cant be

ppl we as grown folks cant be friends with a man or woman in any relationship or jus be friends unless its two things ur GAY OR UGLY stra8 up
cece's picture

You know I used to have

You know I used to have sooooo many male friends and they all either ended up liking me or I liked them or we took things too far, and now my only friends are females... I find myself longing for male energy but not sexually or romantically just as friends, I think if a man and woman are not attracted to each other at all but have things in common and get along then they can be friends, but only if there is no attraction, if there is it'll never work. I just have a hard time finding a guy who isnt attracted to me
Mila's picture

I agree with steve! That has

I agree with steve! That has happened to me wayyy too much times!! Anywho, ladies check out www.KarensClosetNY.com for hot clothes, fierce blazers and sexy dresses for the new year!
Karens Closet NY's picture

As children when we come

As children when we come across other children the only thing we see is a friend to play with. Nothing more. Why? Because it is what we are taught. Playing with other kids meant having FUN. Fun was the goal... As teens we are learning to manipulate, start relationships and find balance with the other responsibilities in life. Other teens in school and around us were used for status. The more you have the "cooler" you were. You have your boyfriend and your friends..basically it didn't matter if your friends were male or female..your boyfriend didn't care and neither did we..as long as we had the friends in high school you were cool. If you were the type to either have no friends or few friends..you were a bit lonely and your balance was off as a teen. Regardless, these years were what paved your adulthood. As adults we are programmed for something different..we are looking to start a career, find that husband/wife and have start a family. Our friends are basically already made from our childhood/high school yrs and brought into our adulthood. So when an adult looks at another adult we don't say in our minds..he/she would make a good friend. No we are sizing him/her up for the kill of what they may be like in bed, how much money they have, or if he/she would be good husband/wife material etc. All that friend crap is out the door no matter who it is coworkers, the mailman, the bartender etc. Adults don't become "friends" with any other adult of the opposite sex without a motive..this is bottom line and this is the truth.
Say it ain't so's picture

why is steve harvey a

why is steve harvey a relationship guru?
Anonymous's picture

thats what I want to know

thats what I want to know
DeDe's picture

This just goes to show that

This just goes to show that Steve Harvey is an amateur in the area of relationships. This is so untrue and merely HIS OPINION ALONE! I have a childhood friend and we are friends until this day and never crossed the line. I have guys that I have met and we hit it off instantly. Granted a few guys, we may have tried to go the "relationship" route but it didn't work, but we still enjoyed each others companionship and conversation as friends ONLY. Yet, I have guys that I have worked with and nothing sexual was ever discussed, but we remain friends. Psychology today actually did a REAL STUDY on this topic and their findings were in stark contrast to Steve's OPINIONS (google "can men and women be friends"). Ladies, don't listen to this clown.
Get it Together Black People's picture

I just because he had

I just because he had ugly-man-becomes-famous-and-loses-control-with-the-ladies complex doesn't mean regular dudes can't have healthy friendships with women. Secondly, old schoolers are generally "haters" of male/female relationships I've found. In their day, such relationships weren't so common/understood....well, we're in 2010 and some of us young, responsible folk have mastered platonic relationships quite well. He needs to get with the new millenium. He just doesn't get it.
Ms. Me's picture

I'M SOORY BUT HIS ARGUMENT IS

I'M SOORY BUT HIS ARGUMENT IS ABOUT AS RIDICULOUS AS HIS SUITS AT K&G!! HE IS MAKING GENERALIZATIONS THAT ARE TOTALLY BIASED BASED ON HIS OWN EXPERIENCES. IT'S LIKE SAYING THAT JUST BCUS A PERSON IS GAY, THEY WILL BE ATTRACTED TO "ALL" MEN OR "ALL" WOMEN JUST BCUS THEY SHARE THE SAME BODY PARTS! IF YOUR ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE THEN YOU ARE, IF YOUR NOT THEN YOUR NOT!! MAYBE HIS OVERSEXED LIBIDO IS A REASON HE CAN;T HANDLE BEING A FRIEND TO A WOMAN, BUT ALL MEN AND WOMEN ARE NOT LIKE THAT!! IF STEVE IS A GOOD PERSON THEN I COULD TOTALLY BE PLATONIC FRIENDS WITH HIM BECAUSE I DO NOT FIND HIM IN THE LEAST BIT ATTRACTIVE AND WOULD NEVER LOOK AT HIM LIKE THAT. SO HIS PERSONALITY WOULD AUTOMATICALL SHINE FIRST DUE TO THE FACT THAT HIS LOOKS DON'T ATTRCAT ME. HE LIVES BY THE RULE THAT IS YOU HAVE A PNIS AND IF IT HAS A VAGINA THEN IT AUTOMATICALLY WILL GO TOGTHER AND THAT IS JUST NOT HOW THINGS WORK. AND IT'S SAD IF ALL 8 OR 9 OF HIS CHILDREN THINK THE WAY HE DOES. I HAVE PLENTY OF MALE FRIENDS THAT ARE STRAIGHT, AND WHILE SOME MAY HAVE EXPRESSED INTEREST, OTHERS MAY NOT CROSS THAT LINE BECUASE WE DON'T WANT TO RISK MESSING UP A FRIENDSHIP!!! STEVE NEEDS MORE PEOPLE. SORRY FOR THE RANT AND CAPS. LOL
NO HATE!!!'s picture

I'm sick of him thinking he's

I'm sick of him thinking he's the all knowing...just because he was a womanizer and still has thoughts of it doesn't mean every man is like he portrays...
Anonymous's picture

I totally agree with steve on

I totally agree with steve on this ...with me being a man that would fuck any of my girl-friends if they let me...I don't even become friends with women I'm not attracted to... DMX Files Lawsuit Against Crack Cocaine; Says It's Manipulative & Presented Him in a Negative Light http://creambmp.com/dmxCrack via Diary of a YBA DMX Files Lawsuit Against Crack Cocaine; Says It's Manipulative & Presented Him in a Negative Light http://creambmp.com/dmxCrack via Diary of a YBA DMX Files Lawsuit Against Crack Cocaine; Says It's Manipulative & Presented Him in a Negative Light http://creambmp.com/dmxCrack via Diary of a YBA DMX Files Lawsuit Against Crack Cocaine; Says It's Manipulative & Presented Him in a Negative Light http://creambmp.com/dmxCrack via Diary of a YBA
Diary of a Young Black Asshole's picture

You sound more ridiculous

You sound more ridiculous than STEVE!! SIT DOWN PLEASE
NO HATE!!!'s picture

@ Ann Droid....you keep

@ Ann Droid....you keep asking people to prove that this is true, but can you prove that it's not? If people have experienced it for themselves then how can it not be true? That is primary source evidence right there. I'm seeing many women post that they have childhood friends that are men but no one has said anything about the guy they met at the club last night. Most friendships that begin after college between men and women b/c one of the parties was intereted in the other and once it didn't work out they became friends. And while no official study has been done if you took a poll on this site I'm sure you would find enough evidence to substantiate my claim since you seem to need harder evidence than the firsthand testimonies you're getting from the posters here. I guess their experience aren't valid for you b/c it hasn't happened to you...yet!
Anonymous's picture

I expected someone to flip my

I expected someone to flip my question around. I can prove it's NOT true because I have many male friends and know many women with male friends, and it's strictly PLATONIC. Period. So that's my proof. How can we generalize about every male/female relationship as though it's absolute? That's my proof. I'm not talking about men or women scouting out members of the opposite sex to get involved in at the club. I'm talking about friends that might meet on the job, for example, in the lunchroom. They talk and find they have things in common, but are not in the least attracted to one another. I've been to college, sweetie, and can tell you I've met a lot of male classmate. We studied together, ate lunch together, and even talked on the phone, but THERE WAS NO INTEREST BETWEEN EACH OTHER IN THE LEAST. Again, you are using limited examples. I guess you haven't read the accounts of those, including myself, that it hasn't happened to. You see, again, small minded people think in limited ways. You're talking about the club. Well, hell, men at clubs are scouting out women to f*ck.
Ann Droid's picture

Sorry there was study done on

Sorry there was study done on this topic. Google "can men and women be friends" and there's an article in Psychology Today that shuts Steve down. I don't know about you, but I'd bet my money on those relationship therapist who studies this topic for a living than some comedian looking to make a buck off of the relationship woes of black women.
Get it Together Black People's picture

So what if that article

So what if that article "shuts Steve down"???? There are several other articles that support his proposition. Furthermore, all women have these "woes", not just "black women". OMG???
Anonymous's picture

Obviously, if there's a poll

Obviously, if there's a poll that shut Steve down, what Steve is saying isn't true. What part of that doesn't compute? Also, you talked about taking a poll here on YBF. Are you kidding? Do you think the world is represented here? SMH. Taking a poll on this website isn't going to prove anything except people see the world through blinders, and unless they are willing to be teachable, they will never learn a damn thing. I'm a very teachable person because if someone proves me wrong, I'm willing to say, "I'm wrong."
Ann Droid's picture

@ Ann Droid....you keep

@ Ann Droid....you keep asking people to prove that this is true, but can you prove that it's not? If people have experienced it for themselves then how can it not be true? That is primary source evidence right there. I'm seeing many women post that they have childhood friends that are men but no one has said anything about the guy they met at the club last night. Most friendships that begin after college between men and women b/c one of the parties was intereted in the other and once it didn't work out they became friends. And while no official study has been done if you took a poll on this site I'm sure you would find enough evidence to substantiate my claim since you seem to need harder evidence than the firsthand testimonies you're getting from the posters here. I guess their experience aren't valid for you b/c it hasn't happened to you...yet!
Anonymous's picture

@ Ann Droid....you keep

@ Ann Droid....you keep asking people to prove that this is true, but can you prove that it's not? If people have experienced it for themselves then how can it not be true? That is primary source evidence right there. I'm seeing many women post that they have childhood friends that are men but no one has said anything about the guy they met at the club last night. Most friendships that begin after college between men and women b/c one of the parties was intereted in the other and once it didn't work out they became friends. And while no official study has been done if you took a poll on this site I'm sure you would find enough evidence to substantiate my claim since you seem to need harder evidence than the firsthand testimonies you're getting from the posters here. I guess their experience aren't valid for you b/c it hasn't happened to you...yet!
Anonymous's picture

@ Ann Droid....you keep

@ Ann Droid....you keep asking people to prove that this is true, but can you prove that it's not? If people have experienced it for themselves then how can it not be true? That is primary source evidence right there. I'm seeing many women post that they have childhood friends that are men but no one has said anything about the guy they met at the club last night. Most friendships that begin after college between men and women b/c one of the parties was intereted in the other and once it didn't work out they became friends. And while no official study has been done if you took a poll on this site I'm sure you would find enough evidence to substantiate my claim since you seem to need harder evidence than the firsthand testimonies you're getting from the posters here. I guess their experience aren't valid for you b/c it hasn't happened to you...yet!
Anonymous's picture

I agree with Steve, they can

I agree with Steve, they can try to be friends and remain friends but somebody (the female or male) has sexual tensions or wouldnt mind taking things further (even if that means "friends with benefits")
MissNovember's picture

And I'm supposed to be

And I'm supposed to be listening to this big country negro, why?
Anonymous's picture

there is truth to some of

there is truth to some of what steve's saying, but to say men CAN'T be friends with a woman is too much of a generalization. i have plenty of male friends and the truth is if i wanted to i could sleep with most if not all of them. however, that doesn't negate our friendship. he would have been better off saying that there will more than likely be underlying sexual tension in male/female friendships, but that doesn't mean that they CAN'T be friends.
WhoGonCheckMeBoo's picture

I don't agree with Steve I

I don't agree with Steve I have tested this theory, I had a close friend and we decided to date and it just was now clicking but the friendship was great. we both felt it was not right and it was kinda funny to us.
david's picture

Okay, for the benefit of the

Okay, for the benefit of the doubt and to support other theories, you are right in one way. Attraction does NOT have to happen from the first, second, or fourteenth meeting of people. In thos case, nobody will have the urge to take the relationship to a sexual level. All I am simply saying is that attraction can be and WILL BE made with time pending on how long people are around each other. It may not even be physically, you may be attracted to someone's personality. But the attraction EXISTS. And once it exists, it's a mutha to get rid of. Another scenario: okay, my wife and this "guy" are "friends" like some of ya'll are. Say me and wifey start beefing. Who's she gonna cry to?? Dexter?? Dexter St.Jock??? Nah fam, not having that.
Colonel Stinkmeaner's picture

I disagree big time, I have

I disagree big time, I have two adult male friends on of which is married. They are both very attractive men and i consider myself a very attractive woman, but we have more of a "brother/sister-like" relationship. We all get along really well and share similar senses of humor.... I would never cross the line and ruin what we have because I might be attracted to them... It is indeed possible to have an platonic relationship with someone of a different sex!!!!
Terri's picture

"I would never cross the line

"I would never cross the line and ruin what we have because I MIGHT be ATTRACTED to them...". Its a few things wrong with the above statement in my opinion. You see what Steve was saying is that b/c their MIGHT be an ATTRACTION is the very reason men and women can't be friends. I myself claim to have friends of the opposite sex but am not fooled in the least that the line wouldn't be crossed in the event a "crack" happened. Hell my male friends have even told me so. So I understand what he's saying. "It is indeed possible to have an platonic relationship with someone of a different sex!!!!" Steve never said that u can't be platonic with the opposite sex, if that was the case evrybody would be eff'ing evrybody
ebonydahll's picture

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