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FAMILY FAB: Mashonda OFFERS Advice On MAINTAINING Blended Families

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After suffering one of the most painful (and watched) breakups in music history, Mashonda is using her experiences to offer words of advice on creating and maintaining blended families. Get her words of wisdom inside....

 

Despite enduring one of the nastiest divorces we've even seen (pre-dating Kordel and Porsha Stewart) R&B  singer Mashonda has flourished since we watched her ex-husband marry and impregnate pop icon Alicia Keys.

Though the incident would have made some women crumble, the "Juicy Fruit" singer has thrived since parting ways with Swizz Beatz, and this month, she use her column (via Global Grind) to offer other women advice on doing the same.  Mashonda has created a list of helpful tools and guidelines that can be used for oving on and blended families.  Though her advice, she drives home the ideal that the children should come first.   

Let's Start Here:

“The key to co-parenting is to focus on your children—and your children only.

Yes, this can be very difficult. It means that your own emotions—any anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children. Admittedly, setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s also perhaps the most vital. Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.”

Separating feelings from behavior:

It’s okay to be hurt and angry, but your feelings don’t have to dictate your behavior. Instead, let what’s best for your kids—you working cooperatively with the other parent—motivate your actions.

Get your feelings out somewhere else:

Never vent to your child. Friends, therapists, or even a loving pet can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can also be a healthy outlet for letting off steam.

Stay kid-focused:

 If you feel angry or resentful, try to remember why you need to act with purpose and grace: your child’s best interests are at stake. If your anger feels overwhelming, looking at a photograph of your child may help you calm down.

Use your body:

 Consciously putting your shoulders down, breathing evenly and deeply, and standing erect can keep you distracted from your anger, and can have a relaxing effect.

Well isn't this grown up of her. We're all about focusing 100% on the kids you share. But no woman has to LIKE their ex or his mistress/jump off turned wife. Loving Mashonda's positivity though... Read more from Mashonda's column here. 

 

Comments

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Wow I wish I had, had the

Wow I wish I had, had the wisdom of this highly intelligent woman, and not talked bad about my ex. Children start to resent mothers who talk bad about their fathers, because he is part of them, and when u talk bad about the father in front of them, they are hurt ashamed and it affects their self esteem. Keep leading the way ON HOW to love your children Mashonda. Great job!
cassandra29's picture

Talknig bad about the person

Talknig bad about the person who is going to be their stepmom or their dad's girlfriend is just as bad. That would say your dad is pretty stupid or weak and would rather be with her or she took him away which doesn't show much respect for dad or the other person or even the child. Kids aren't that stupid. In a way that would mean she was putting down dad too. Mashonda should have just kept her mouth shut and dealt with it like she has stated here and out of the public. It's not like it's the first time he'd done something like this while they were married, separated or whatever.
rosa's picture

I see where she is trying to

I see where she is trying to go with it, but she still seems ANGRY. She said nothing about trying to build a positive relationship w/ the ex-spouse or her child's new Step-Mother/Dad. It's not just about trying to keep your composure around the child and the ex. But children, especially black children (in blended families) need to see healthy relationships and communication between all the adults. Parents and Step-Parents just don't know the strain it puts on a child when the adults don't and can't get along. She can learn from Jada Pickett Smith and Sheree Smith.
michel'le Aye's picture

Hopefully the CIA & FBI are

Hopefully the CIA & FBI are following Swizz Beatz closely & wire-tapping his house. He looks like a young Osama Bin Laden and should NOT even be allowed to hold FireCrackers or ANY noise makers...................
Jesus H. Christ's picture

I guess she has to find

I guess she has to find another way to get some attention so she is pretending that she has let go of her anger. I doubt she has. Didn't she pose for a black man's magazine with her booty hanging out? Great parental role model. She is just thirsty for attention. ANY attention.
LBA1's picture

Much respect....she is

Much respect....she is definitely on the right path in healing - good for her....
lifeisgood's picture

She has shown nothing but

She has shown nothing but positivity, grace, peace, and forgiveness throughout this whole situation her ex-husband put her in. I really want to see God bless her with a good man.
PinkyDaGoddess's picture

Finally a black woman who

Finally a black woman who ain't ghetto, selling her ass, being a bafoon, and makes some sense. She must not be from Atlanta. Class act
lola69's picture

First of all I applaud her

First of all I applaud her for being a WOMAN and putting her child first, that is what ALL women should do, but unfortunately many are too weak to do so and they put their anger for the other person before the children and end up hurting their kids in the worst way. Now, let us not get carried away. Mashonda brought a lot of what happened to her so publicly on herself, she targeted Alicia in a situation that she knew was already a done deal, her and her husband were separated to the point where he had a child with another woman overseas, way before Alicia even got involved. Many celebs go through these long divorces and seperations due to property and child support settlements, it could take years in some cases, people move on with their lives and clearly Swizz did, she clearly was in denial, but it wasn't the first or second time, she blamed Alicia publicly and made it a public spectacle that I do not applaud, because at that time she was NOT thinking about her child, so I am not going to go so far as to say she is this matyr, she had no choice, her ex married a woman who made him a better man, and who would never stand for him not taking care of his children, he is a good father and he takes care of his kids, so if she did not she would be the one looking crazy. What I wish is that these black women on these blogs would stop carrying other peoples baggage, clearly these people have gotten over WHATEVER REALLY occurred and moved on and a lot of you are still stuck in it, I am sorry, I have my own sh*t to worry about. I will not be holding on to anyone else's baggage. Let it go and stop making assumptions about things that you DO NOT KNOW. Alicia is a great musician and philanthropist and as long as she keeps making good music and being a positive person I will support her. I will not make her personal life my business. She is clearly a great step mom to his kids and they seem to really love her, which is the most important thing. You folks need to move on and stop adding other people's baggage to your own.
kayla1010's picture

the facts are, alicia just

the facts are, alicia just might be the lousiest imitator no talent in show bizz today. she has very little original material, and is 10 times worse than rihanna. Mashonda deserves ALL THE CREDIT. EVERY BIT OF IT. Every woman fights to keep their childrens's father in the home for a time, but the difference between wise and unwise women is when to THROW IN THE TOWEL AND recognize that he has moved on, inspite of you doing everything to save your marriage. That is what makes her a hero, and a very wise women. Her personal growth.
cassandra29's picture

Yes, I agree Mashonda

Yes, I agree Mashonda deserves all the credit for all their personal lives being brought into the public, even HER child. Like someone else commented, she, Mashonda brought the biggest part of this on herself by making the situation public. It's just a shame she wasn't thinking of her child when she was ranting on twitter. She could have used her own advice then. It's one thing to fight for your marriage but for how long? When he continuously shows you he doesn't want to be with you it's time to think of yourself and what is really best for your child. A man who is constantly cheating doesn't seem like the best thing for anyone. I'm glad she see's now what she should have seen long ago and it's great she is not publicly degrading and dissing everything Alicia does. True, Mashonda is no martyr.
rosa's picture

You just said "Let it go and

You just said "Let it go and stop making assumptions about things that you DO NOT KNOW. you folks need to move on and stop adding people's baggage to your own"......UHHHH You are the one that just wrote a full on essay about them acting like you know them and just came from having a cup of coffee with them, talking about how she made him a better man....WTF!!! How do you know he's a better man? smh......
Ms.Thangfromthe5thflr's picture

Alicia that you. Justify

Alicia that you. Justify stealing another man.
lola69's picture

I like her But she has a Huge

I like her But she has a Huge ass head....lol
star's picture

Good advice. Most of it is

Good advice. Most of it is just common sense, but some people don't even have that. So I'm glad she's reinforcing what all mothers should already know.
CheyPie's picture

I agree with Mashonda here.

I agree with Mashonda here.
BEEMA SUX DIX's picture

being the bigger person can

being the bigger person can be crazy hard! esp if u still love your ex (smh)
leesh's picture

Mashonda is not only smart as

Mashonda is not only smart as heck but she is gorgeous. She is a natural beauty. AKeys and Swiss will reap what they sewed. Their marital bliss will soon fall a part. I'll give it another 2-3 years.
sexe757's picture

i believe that. when her

i believe that. when her career starts to feel he'll likely leave. and i believe she just might be a closet lesbian. she admitted she was running with hookers and dope dealers one day, and then she was suddenly on oprah. birds of a feather flock together.
cassandra29's picture

What? If you read the same

What? If you read the same gossip I read, she said when she was younger and walking to school she use to pass by hookers and dope dealers and was very thankful she never got drawn into any of that. My, how words can get twisted.
rosa's picture

She so dag on pretty, dang

She so dag on pretty, dang Swizz, checkout thegrandreport, they got some good stuff on there too
V's picture

Yea...we know u still owe

Yea...we know u still owe stealicia that beat down!! Hehehe whatta blooper..but anyhoo props to the kids comin first! Smhlol..*sips red wine
Like Really's picture

Putting your anger aside has

Putting your anger aside has to be one of the hardest things to do, but it must be done....not only for the child but for yourself as well. One day Alicia will have to do the same......IJS
Ms.Thangfromthe5thflr's picture

Yes indeed..u will get it how

Yes indeed..u will get it how u got it after its all said and done! I'm pretty sure she's already tried to snip the same waggin tongue that pulled her gullible behind! Smhlol....*Passes u a glass of wine 
Like Really's picture

Sho nuff.....and just to

Sho nuff.....and just to think, Karma is one of her song titles. smh....Cheers!
Ms.Thangfromthe5thflr's picture

in other words get somewhere

in other words get somewhere and sat down and shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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